I call these two categories:
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“Real” hobbies – The ones you can casually mention at work, in small talk, or at a family gathering. People nod, smile, and instantly understand.
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Shadow hobbies – The ones you keep tucked away, because mentioning them risks blank stares, awkward silences, or even being seen as “weird.”
Publicly Acceptable Hobbies
Society has its list of safe hobbies. They’re the ones people immediately recognize, even if they don’t share the interest:
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Gardening
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Cooking or baking
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Sports (playing or watching)
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Reading popular fiction
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Photography
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Hiking or walking
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Music (listening or learning an instrument)
These are “real hobbies” because they carry cultural weight. They’re easy to put on a form, drop into a conversation, or list on a dating profile.
Shadow Hobbies
Then there are the hobbies that slip under the radar, or worse – trigger judgment. These often involve specialized knowledge, unusual equipment, or deep rabbit holes. Examples might include:
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Radio scanning or DXing (listening to faraway signals)
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Collecting obscure objects (stamps, vintage electronics, railway memorabilia)
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Model building, LEGO Technic, or miniature wargaming
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Fanfiction writing, anime, or cosplay
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Obsessive cataloguing (databases, logs, inventories)
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Niche computer tinkering, retro programming, or emulators
There’s nothing “wrong” with these hobbies – they bring joy, focus, and mastery. But they can be difficult to explain in a quick social exchange without either oversharing or getting blank looks.
The Balancing Act
Here’s where it gets interesting: sometimes I’ll spend 10 hours on a shadow hobby – immersed, energised, completely at home – and just 1 hour on a “real” hobby. But when someone asks what I’ve been up to, I’ll only talk about the 1 hour.
Why? Because the “real” hobby is safer. People understand it. They won’t tilt their head and say, “Wait, you do what?”
Fitting In While Being Autistic
For autistic people, this balancing act is even more pronounced. The drive to fit in can feel like survival. Being seen as “weird” carries real social costs – isolation, teasing, or exclusion.
So the shadow hobby gets hidden, or reframed in more acceptable terms.
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“I’m into radios” becomes “I like listening to music.”
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“I build LEGO Technic trucks for hours” becomes “I like doing puzzles.”
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“I keep a database of UHF frequencies” becomes “I do a bit of computer stuff.”
It’s a translation, a smoothing over of the truth to avoid standing out too much.
Why Both Matter
Shadow hobbies are often where our deepest passions live. They give structure, comfort, and joy – and sometimes they’re where our true skills shine. Real hobbies are the bridge to others, the ones that help us connect in a socially safe way.
Both matter. Both are real.
One is about fitting in. The other is about being ourselves.
👉 Maybe the real challenge isn’t hiding shadow hobbies, but finding the people who don’t see them as shadows at all.
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